Thursday, December 11, 2008


So Al.. thanks for everything... you've shown me what a big brother is really like in the past couple of days and kept an open mind to my choice... even though you don't necessarily understand why i did everything... you continue to support me and remind me of family... like you said on the phone... you have an idea of how things are supposed to be... grow up, get married, have kids, and enjoy the journey... i don't have that type of clarity and that's what i'm looking for... maybe you're right about how things are supposed to be... u might say it's not about right and wrong but that's simply how i view things... either way... i'm here to find out how things are supposed to be... thank you Al... ... so far this experience has brought us closer and i happy for that... i've always had this unjustified resentment towards you but now i can say i'm happy to have you as an older brother.... thanks for being there

Maddog - maddog??? mad random... of all the people to leave a comment... i didn't expect you... how are things? you have your license yet? so what's your professional opinion of my move... didn't you do a pysch rotation at one point... i thought it might have been some type of pyshotic break but it doesn't really fit the typical symptns of one....j/k... good to here from you... i never related it to your experience but you have some good points.... thank for sharing... we'll hang out sometime when i'm back in jersey

Joe - jung kil - well sorry for not calling but.... that's just me i guess... sorry i left and couldn't be there but i have to take care of me right now and figure things out... i appreciate your understanding and don't think i've forgotten about u and rich and all my other friends.... i know you'll be fine for now... you got a stable job doing what you enjoy and have your priorities in the right direction... don't lose sight of that.... i'll give you a call soon

Leanne - okay... ah.... yeah... didn't mean to scare you... but joe will tell you i tend to do crazy things in a moments notice.... i'll be back for your wedding... i might come in a hawaiin shirt and hand out layes (sp?)... but i'll be there.... thanks for your concern... sorry to miss your bday.... but quite frankly i have no idea when it is.... sorry still got that residual cold side of me.... when is it and i'll be sure to remember... trying to change and pay more attention... sorry for being a jerk by being so honest... but.. well... i have no excuse.... take leanne and take care of joe cause you know he wouldn't be able to by himself.... let me rephrase... he's happier and better with you in his life... sorry again for being blunt... i just know with you i can be straight up and know that'd you'd understand and probably get a kick out of it....

Joe Deguz - so.... where's your f...... comment.... huh.... thanks.... j/k.... take it easy... sorry if mike's coming down on you now that i'm not around.... take it easy and i'll talk to you soon

Valentina - i'm soooooooo.... sooooooo glad that you're a part of my life... even though we're thousands of miles away... when i talk to you i feel that you're right there.... sorry for leaving so abruptly and making you sad.... i can't really express it in words.... i just hate to think that you had to sacrifice just so i could ... i don't know... find myself as everyone says.... i don't have to tell you to be strong... cause i know you are... i'll talk to you soon.... thank you for being there

Mom - i'm sorry.... i can't say it enough... looking back i can't imagine how you must have felt when i first told you... but it's something i have to do.... i'm sorry that my views of life conflict so much to the point that i've caused you pain.... and there's no way or me to justify it.... i just hope you can stop worrying... and be okay with this... i know you'll be okay in time... because you've always been understanding yet realistic of the situation... i love you

Dad - thanks for watching out for me and giving me pointers throughout my trip.... sometimes.... often i react like i don't want it because i know it... but you are just watiching out for me... thank you... i've always respected you and appreciated your trust in letting me live my life how i wanted... and i think it's because you're the same way... i'm proud to be your son and proud to have the traits that make me your son.. from your out of the box thinking... to your sense of humor... and i've always enjoyed when you are just being yourself and having a good time even if people think otherwise... you are true to yourself and i wouldn't want it any other way.... i love you dad


  1. Ok wow, way to call me out on no comment... haha well I think I'm still trying to process exactly what I'm feeling and how to express it properly. Much like you right now, I'm trying to put everything in the proper perspective...

    Its interesting that your departure has caused quite a stir amongst our group of friends... the emails are back in full swing...

    I think the relationship with your family is a key to helping you gain a sense of balance in your life right now. I'm more pleased with reading your thoughts towards your parents and brothers than anything else on this blog.

    You're expressing yourself so much now that I'm beginning (albeit very slowly) to think that maybe this was the right thing for you...although my "hater" type logic and pure greediness to keep you in Jersey may sometimes take priority.

    At the end of the day, I'm always your friend and I'll always be there for ya... just get yourself right and in the meantime, I'll keep checking the blog for more of you adventures.


  2. my birthday is December 15th. . . .and i do appreciate and respect your honesty.