Friday, December 26, 2008


A bit late... but Merry Christmas!!
So I spent my Christmas at a co worker's house in Hawaii Kai... it was nice as hell... the house was rented by 4 friends and on the beach front.... not sure how much it is... but the guy who covered most of it, Ryan, is involved with commercial real estate, has been all over world, and flies to the mainland often for business... pretty cool guy... good host... met a couple from Prague, also the Czech republic, lawyer from San Diego... irionically... most of the people didn't know each other... only the host... so it worked out...
as for food... potluck.... there was this lady (probably in he late 40s) who is a personal chef and a friend of Ryan's who made crabs with a butter, garlic, vermouth sauce.... it was like to huge buckets full... and other stuff that people brought... lasagna, meatballs, pigs in a blanket... plenty of desert... plenty of beer... actually there was this coffee/beer combination that I tried which was pretty good... forgot the name but i know it's a local beer....

sorry i forgot my camera.... i have a feeling I'm gonna be in that area relatively soon.. it's just so laidback... there's also man built canals with homes along them.... much different from this area... just upscale residential area.... anyway... hope everyone had a good christmas... take care...

Monday, December 22, 2008

So it's 5:30 a.m. here and I've been up for an hour... gotta be up early to take a look at the market. Anyway... yesterday... I didn't do anything... I think it's the first day I spent in my studio for a majority of the day... just feeling exhausted I guess and under the weather (which is still beautiful by the way). I know NJ is having a lot of snow and I'm actually jealous. I really wanted to test out my Mini in the snow and have some fun but I really shouldn't complain.

I noticed something about yesterday... I don't think I spoke a single word to anyone yesterday... well considering I only left to do laundry and walk around a little bit... it's just an odd notion that you don't say a word to anyone on any particular day. I guess it just shows my lack of activity... but anyway...

Start my job today... not too thrilled... gotta find something a bit better paying and more hours... I considered working at a gun range... there are quite a few in the tourist area. The thing is it would only pay $7/hr for the first 14 days of training, $9 for the next 3 months, then $10 plus tips going forward. But I'd get to train and learn about it to become an instructor... I know people are saying it's dangerous but... I really enjoyed going to the range in PA and always had an interest in them (guess I played too many shooting games on the PC). I'd have to learn some Japanese on top of it... cause there's a heavy population of Japanese tourists. I'll probably opt out of it.... not really worth my time... but we'll see.... it would be a night job anyway.....

well i hope everyone's doing will.... take care... happy holidays!!

Friday, December 19, 2008


Some random pictures from yesterday. Don't know why but there was a random chicken near a park... didn't see any farm or zoo around... so unexpected... anyway... other pic are along the diamond head beach...just some nice views... enjoy

2nd Friday

No real news lately.... I didn't start my job today. Something came up with my boss so I'll be starting Monday.

Bought a bicycle for $100 to get me around. I think it's a good investment and will save me time. Right now I have plenty of time walk around but I know later I'll need to get around quicker. So yesterday I walked around Diamond Head.... they have some really nice houses along the beach there... probably in the millions of dollars range... but they were really nice. I'll post some pictures later on in the day.

Other than that I think i'm getting sick... sore throat... how do i get sick in this weather? I think it's cause I blasted the AC the other night. Usually when I sleep, I don't wake up if I'm uncomfortable and too cold... not sure why I don't but its always been like that. Anyway... off to get some lunch...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


So where to start... just doing some thinking. I think I've always argued on the slightest of things about the relevance of necessity in making any decision. When it comes down to it... you really don't need much in life. Just the bare necessity for survival. It's funny but last week was all about just necessity... securing a place to stay. It was simple and gratifying. Nothing else really mattered except where I was going to stay the next day. Maybe that's why I enjoyed it despite the actual conditions. Of course let's not forget finances which is something I did not have to worry about at that time.
But even as I think this... I'm realizing it's not true. I often advocate people to do whatever they want... that nothing else matters... as long as you understand the consequences and can accept it.. and even if you don't... at least that you know you may be risking a lot of the unforeseen. I've said it and lived it when I make a ridiculous purchase just cause or go over board on a night out and I've advised people to do the same. Isn't that what life is about? Just doing things that make you happy? Even if it is for a moment, isn't it worth it? Unfortunately I have a horrible memory and don't recollect many events vividly. I tend to remember just this overall view of things and not necessarily if I enjoyed it or not but what happened unless of course if it is extreme. Only concrete facts rather than emotion.... and even those I don't remember. So then does it even matter to be impulsive and just do things in the moment? I mentioned before that a person had to just find more happy moments but if I don't remember them then it wouldn't make sense. I guess you still have to play the numbers game so you have a chance at more memorable moments. Ideally I think it's better to have a higher percentage of happy moments rather than just a high volume. It's all relative and we are all constrained to time so it shouldn't really be a measure of how many moments you can attempt to create. It's still kind of abstract though as moments can be infinitely small so maybe you can have a whole bunch of short lived moments but I want something lasting... something that calms me... and that I can understand that I'm happy at the moment... and after... because it's usually one or the other... I will say making that impulsive move out to Hawaii makes me smile simply for the shear craziness of it all. I didn't really think of it like this... nor would I have forseen that this would be my hindsight view but there's something appealing about it... that in a few short hours I decided to change everything.


not all of the pictures posted... here they are

new place

Here's my temporary place until January 12th. I think after that I'll be moving to the valley or closer to down town. The guy really didn't clean and it was kinda disgusting having to clean up after him. The shower curtain is disgusting and i gotta wash it immediately. You know it's bad when you spray cleaner on it and you have this heavily discolored filth drip into the tub. Plus i think it's the source of this odd odor but it's tough to pinpoint. I wouldn't mind so much if I was just cleaning up after myself either but got no choice...

Anyway.... i guess I'm gonna start that job on Friday and give it a shot. They were nice enough to invite me to their Christmas dinner on Wednesday night. Kinda odd though considering I haven't started working there yet.... anyway not sure what i'm gonna do today.Probably just walk around more... maybe get some sun... look for another job...

Monday, December 15, 2008


possible job... small physical therapy office ... 20 hours a week... seems very relaxed... doesn't pay too well... but... it's a start.... at least it's something i'm somewhat familiar with.... still gotta hunt though. I tend to get lazy about job hunting once i find a place that will hire... gotta try not to this time to find something better...

hope things are well in NJ... anything change with anyone... i'm sure it's the same old... work... work... take care everyone


So it's Monday.... i always hated Mondays... back to work.... not so bad this morning though. Yes, I have to take care of things, find a job possibly a mode of transportation. I just spoke to someone in a physical therapy office and am going to meet him. I feel a bit under dressed (shorts and a tee shirt) but he is only available now. Irionically his name is Mike as well. Doesn't sound anything like Mike Botti though. It's a part time job and that will give me something to do and a temporary partial income. Decent start. Considering getting a moped... you don't need a special license and they are relatively cheap... not sure if i need it though... maybe just a bicycle... or i'll just use the bus ($40 for a monthly bus pass). I never really relied on the bus back home... it really is a luxury to have a car.
Moved into the new place... i'll post some pics later. What a downgrade from the prior place.... but... we have to pick our battles. Some random pics from Hawaii.
Dad... thank you for the advice and insight... i hope you feel better as time moves on and you get acquanted with the change. Take care.

Saturday, December 13, 2008


Bored... bored.... bored... nothing too do... raining since 2 p.m. or so... flood warnings.... bored.... bored... bored... fortunately there's a cafe in the lobby with free wireless....

For someone in Hawaii.... i think i'm on the computer way to much....

Friday, December 12, 2008


So after searching through so many ads on Craigslist.... i was able to find a new place for 3 nights until I move into the studio.... and i gotta say... it is nice.... this guy who is from Maui was here for business but it got cut short so I got a decent deal. Yeah it's a lot more expensive than the hostel $24 a night but what can I expect in a touristy area. So for $85 a night I got this place for 3 nights. Really nice... kitchen, shower, 2 beds.... pretty sweet. It's on the 24th floor of this building.

Things seem to moving on and I actually expected it to take longer to get settled in respect to living arrangements. Yeah it's still temporary but it works. I'll probably have to move towards the valley after a month to find something more suitable and get out of the tourist area. Depends on the work I find though.

Thursday, December 11, 2008


so i'm not really sure how this openess is working... if anyone would rather not have me post something personal let me know... like i said my life's an open book now... or at least i'm working towards that.... so i'm going to be posting my thoughts in general... it'll probably die down a bit as it goes on... just like anything else that swings wildly to the extremes... it kinda just settles.... my old self would completely disagree with what i'm doing... even though that sits in the back of my mind... i'm still moving forward... and seeing how new things work.... anyway....

on another note... the stock market is doing good other than yesterday.... which irionically is bad.. i invested in some stocks that short the S&P when it was at about 830 or so.... i think it will go lower but have not been has highy involved in the market recently.... so if anyone has advice... and think that the trend is upwards at this point... let me know so i can save myself some cash... otherwise i think it'll go lower and stay in until it hits a trough.... and make some money.... we're still in a recession but even when the market rises were still in a recession until we hit some point that is often calculated by some financial guys in hindsght.... so i don't know if it will continue to go down.... keep mind... i'm thinking short term in investment... any sound insight is appreciated...

hawaii life: so this hostel experience... not so great... i find that most of the people who stay in here are a bunch of bums.. i'm better than that... one guy has been in the hostel for about a year and is completely miserable or so it seems... others are just bums.... which is there call but i'm better than that.... hence why i'm getting out and not just enjoying the weather... i can't completely understand the stereotypical hawaiin mentallity yet... and i've said that all you need is to get by and save a bit in my new mentality but that's not true... there's some middle ground that i'm searching for where i can be happy and relaxed.... a mix of old and new....


So Al.. thanks for everything... you've shown me what a big brother is really like in the past couple of days and kept an open mind to my choice... even though you don't necessarily understand why i did everything... you continue to support me and remind me of family... like you said on the phone... you have an idea of how things are supposed to be... grow up, get married, have kids, and enjoy the journey... i don't have that type of clarity and that's what i'm looking for... maybe you're right about how things are supposed to be... u might say it's not about right and wrong but that's simply how i view things... either way... i'm here to find out how things are supposed to be... thank you Al... ... so far this experience has brought us closer and i happy for that... i've always had this unjustified resentment towards you but now i can say i'm happy to have you as an older brother.... thanks for being there

Maddog - maddog??? mad random... of all the people to leave a comment... i didn't expect you... how are things? you have your license yet? so what's your professional opinion of my move... didn't you do a pysch rotation at one point... i thought it might have been some type of pyshotic break but it doesn't really fit the typical symptns of one....j/k... good to here from you... i never related it to your experience but you have some good points.... thank for sharing... we'll hang out sometime when i'm back in jersey

Joe - jung kil - well sorry for not calling but.... that's just me i guess... sorry i left and couldn't be there but i have to take care of me right now and figure things out... i appreciate your understanding and don't think i've forgotten about u and rich and all my other friends.... i know you'll be fine for now... you got a stable job doing what you enjoy and have your priorities in the right direction... don't lose sight of that.... i'll give you a call soon

Leanne - okay... ah.... yeah... didn't mean to scare you... but joe will tell you i tend to do crazy things in a moments notice.... i'll be back for your wedding... i might come in a hawaiin shirt and hand out layes (sp?)... but i'll be there.... thanks for your concern... sorry to miss your bday.... but quite frankly i have no idea when it is.... sorry still got that residual cold side of me.... when is it and i'll be sure to remember... trying to change and pay more attention... sorry for being a jerk by being so honest... but.. well... i have no excuse.... take leanne and take care of joe cause you know he wouldn't be able to by himself.... let me rephrase... he's happier and better with you in his life... sorry again for being blunt... i just know with you i can be straight up and know that'd you'd understand and probably get a kick out of it....

Joe Deguz - so.... where's your f...... comment.... huh.... thanks.... j/k.... take it easy... sorry if mike's coming down on you now that i'm not around.... take it easy and i'll talk to you soon

Valentina - i'm soooooooo.... sooooooo glad that you're a part of my life... even though we're thousands of miles away... when i talk to you i feel that you're right there.... sorry for leaving so abruptly and making you sad.... i can't really express it in words.... i just hate to think that you had to sacrifice just so i could ... i don't know... find myself as everyone says.... i don't have to tell you to be strong... cause i know you are... i'll talk to you soon.... thank you for being there

Mom - i'm sorry.... i can't say it enough... looking back i can't imagine how you must have felt when i first told you... but it's something i have to do.... i'm sorry that my views of life conflict so much to the point that i've caused you pain.... and there's no way or me to justify it.... i just hope you can stop worrying... and be okay with this... i know you'll be okay in time... because you've always been understanding yet realistic of the situation... i love you

Dad - thanks for watching out for me and giving me pointers throughout my trip.... sometimes.... often i react like i don't want it because i know it... but you are just watiching out for me... thank you... i've always respected you and appreciated your trust in letting me live my life how i wanted... and i think it's because you're the same way... i'm proud to be your son and proud to have the traits that make me your son.. from your out of the box thinking... to your sense of humor... and i've always enjoyed when you are just being yourself and having a good time even if people think otherwise... you are true to yourself and i wouldn't want it any other way.... i love you dad

Calm after the storm

I think the actual saying is calm before the storm but whatever.....
Just some more pictures... it's pretty nice now.... even when it's overcast... it's nice here...

On another note, these birds here aren't really scared of people... i've almost kicked a bird just walking.... i was sitting outside ready to post this and I'm at these stone tables and stools... like he kind you would see people playing chess would be at... and this bird is sits at the stool opposite of me... i almost grabbed him... but no fast enough....

3rd Day

So not much to do today.... there's a storm in Honolulu that's gonna stay for a couple of days. The good news it that I did find a studio for December 15th to January 12th for really cheap and it's only like a block away from here. It's fully furnished. So now I gotta decide if I should go for a hotel for the next couple of days or just tough it out here. Still gotta find something more permanent but at least it will allow me to look for a job and not worry about other things for a short time.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Additional Pictures - Waikiki

Just some random pictures I took. Yes I'm taking pictures. I know it's a shock and probably about time I started. I'm still not in any yet... maybe later... maybe not...

The beginning

Hawaii is beautiful... absolutely beautiful. Warm weather, sunny skies, fresh air. I usually don't like beaches and sunshine and deal better with cold stagnant polluted Jersey air but... I gotta say it's nice out here. Not sure if it's cause I'm in Waikiki, a tourist area, but people seem nice. Or maybe they reacting cause I find myself being nicer to the general public out here. In NJ I probably wouldn't have cracked a smile when asking or stopped to talk about anything or nothing. Either way, Hawaii is beautiful.

Just look at the place i'm staying at.

Just kidding, it's not that nice. It's a hostel which is actually right behind the building above. It's really cheap and it shows. So I find myself in a place i never have been abandoning some basic conveniences that I took for granted. A comfortable and secure home. The hostel is dingy, unsanitary. Even though John and the other dorm roommates seem nice enough, i find myself never leaving anything of value in the room. My laptop, wallet, electronics stay in my bag with me at all times. I've also given up what never seemed to be a luxury, face wash and hair gel... it just seems unnecessary at this point. Soap is enough. On top of it all, I've seen roaches. Not those giant ones but maybe a 1.5 cm long. It took me half the night to get over the thought that they'd probably be crawling over me in my sleep. I haven't really slept much anyway the first night. 2 hours here, down to the beach, 2 hours again, a call from a familiar voice. No pillow and i opted out of a blanket but I think i'll grab one tonight. Today begins the hunt to solve these housing issues... hopefully i can take a look at some places and find a nice roomate to move in with. Enough with the logistics though.

I'm not really sure what i'm doing here and need to allow myself more time to adjust before making any judgements about what i've done. Yesterday was a mixture of awe and curiousity, touring Waikiki, sitting on the beach, stopping for brief moments to watch a sidewalk performer, or anything else that was available for entertainment. There was a musical performer, guitar, had a mellow style like jewel and a pleasantly sad voice. There was also a japanese couple sitting in front of her and she had mentioned that it was her honeymoon. She made the announcement and sang Utada Hikaru's "First Love." I was surprised, happy, sad, and comforted by the song.

Overall, yesterday morning was an adventure. Everything new was different which is good. But by night, i found myself just wanting to talk to the next person from home (well not really, you'll see my comment at the end). As the night progressed, i first spoke Nancy when i landed in Honolulu briefly but had to cut it short as I had to find my way to Waikki. I can't believe that was yesterday. Later I called Christina the moment I knew she would be out of work. Then later i texted Valentina to call me on her way to work which would be at 2 a.m. here. As i should have known, life at work is going on without me which is logically what i wanted. Then again the world doesn't revolve around me... but mine does. I don't want anyone to care... or do I? *what do you know... the only people i talk to about stuff like this are girls... guess things don't change much*

Someone told me something along the lines that life is never gonna always be happy. It's something I never accepted. It shouldn't be that way. There has to be a way. I don't think there is. But I'm finding she's right. You just have to find more happy moments.

Maybe this place will change me. Who knows. I mean even doing something like this, a blog, is out of my character. Irionically, now that I'm thousands of miles away, my life is gonna be an open book. I feel like such a tourist today. The kind I probably would have laughed at before. Well I still do. I never realized how many Japanese tourists are here. The place is highly marketed to them and a lot of things in Waikiki have Japanese and English. Then there's the whole taking everything for granted. Maybe it'll give me a better perspective. I'm still stubborn on that one though and think the attitude will take longer to change.

I'm sorry it was so abrupt and i'm sorry for making you sad. If it was less impulsive I don't think i would have left and I don't think that would have been good for me. And it's not that I'm pushing you away, I dropped everything. It's just i have troube talking to you because all I feel is guilt when I do but I'm not changing my mind either yet. Sorry Uncle Peter for the airport. I can say don't worry all I want but that doesn't change anything. As you can see I have to figure this out and work on the family thing as well. It'll get better, I just need to figure it out and I'm good at puzzles but usually unconventional (as Al pointed out) in my methods.