Friday, July 17, 2009

Self Reliance

On another note I was thinking about relationships again. Well I was really thinking about self reliance and specifically my take on it. So what is my take on it? Well I simply don't like to depend on anyone on any situation... i want to know that I despite what may come my way that I can handle it. Of course, me saying that means that I have doubts about it. So it's something I have to continually prove to myself (the only way to prove anything is to continue to do it... though you can never prove an ideal unless you restrict it to realistic terms... which I often omit... the same applies to love... the only way is continually show love...). Yes you ask, "why do you need to prove anything to yourself?" Well quite frankly, it's because I don't know and don't have faith that I've proven something (don't quite agree with logic rules of induction). Failing one time disproves the whole ideal so it has to be proven every time. It shouldn't though. Just because I rely on someone here and there doesn't mean that I'm not self reliant. Still, I tend not to think that and it's something I believe I need to change. Why change? Well in respect to relationships, that train of thought doesn't fit well. Part of being in a relationship is trust and also exercising that trust... allowing to let go of who you are for something greater... something that I have not done. I'm still stuck in my mindset and it reflects in what I think, say, and do.... reflected in my insistence of walking as opposed to accepting rides... in my ability to take care of myself (little things like cooking, finances, and day to day)... in my 3 day hike... my whole trip out here... How can anyone have empathy (though you can argue that true empathy is unattainable) when the only thing he/she (not in any particular order for a reason... she/he works fine too but understand is himself/herself. I've already deviated from my original thought which explained one of my attributes (well not in this context) that holds me back from growing. All this from the idea taking care of myself. I'd like to think it's resourcefulness but if that were the case... excuse me for saying it like this... utilizing your friends and family would be a constituent (hate that I had to use spell check for that one)... lol... just proving it further... so partially resourceful. Gotta get away from having these strict all encompassing definitions... e.g. resourcefulness. So with that said... have I chosen a direction to move in? Not quite... still proud of my self reliance. Some people travel on a straight path... i spiral towards it.

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