Love or something like it

Me: I don't want to find out that Karla put him in jail!!! Why would she? There's no benefit for her. Things were good between them... I hope I'm right.... but am jumping to the worst scenario.

Nicole: :) ur in love.

Me: I usually am... I'd be completely lost if I weren't at any given time... whether it be a person, idea, place... or just being in love with wanting to be in love. 

So I was casually reading Shantaram (yes... I'm still reading it.... it's taken me forever) at a Loaded Joe's, a local cafe. I hadn't picked it up in a couple of weeks but no more work and taxes are pretty much done... it's a good time to sit back and just delve into the world of Gregory David Roberts. So there's a character Karla that the main character Lin is in love with. She's alluring... intelligent... observant... manipulative... reserved.... mysterious. Someone who walks into a room and you can't help but watch. Someone to chase... and as many times as you fail... you'll still chase.  They just hooked up and then within 24 hours, he's put in jail for 3 months later. Upon getting out and after some time passes, I find out that she's gone and the person who possibly set him up is an attractive woman. And thus the txt message above....

And onto a broader observation of my own life. Though my understanding of love is limited, at any given time, I am in love with something. For one day back on December 9, 2008, I was in love with Hawaii.... and decided to follow it to the fullest. Other times, it's a girl, hopelessly chasing in my own non-existent manner... often times it's this... the person is raised on a pedestal and idolized from a far... til the day when I can no longer keep quite... and everything goes astray... sometimes it cycles with the same person and it simply becomes understood as how I am and will continue to be in the friendship.

We all need to find something or someone to love. I need something to fight for. Sadly, some struggle is often enough to maintain our attention on life.  In my case, since I lack something to fight for, it has become the journey to find something to fight for. Without it, I'd be a zombie, simply dragging through life. I think I've come across this thought in the past and may be reiterating. When was the last time you asked yourself, what am I fighting for? What's important to you?